Tv Ne Cede Malis Sed Contra Avdentior Ito

Well. That was one of the worst down spells I've had in a long time. It lasted for about 2 hours, give or take, and it was intense. I thought I was coming apart. I wanted to scream. I did cry, profusely. Music helped, allowing me to cry and then easing me out of it before letting me cry again. I actually called Jesse, although I did call Tom first. I am not even sure how I made either of those calls. I felt as if I'd never leave the space under my bed again.

All it took was hearing Jesse's voice, knowing I was pulling him away from something, and even though I didn't instantly feel better, it was as if a dam broke. I could feel it flowing away. I'm glad I told him I needed to sort the rest out myself.

Reaching out is hard. I sent Paul a message, but now I realize he's talking D&D with Aedan and I can't break into that space. Isolation is the hardest part to shake off, I think, which is why it's so easy to fall back into the cycle.

"Point me toward the morning, someone point me toward the morning..."

Music. It is like light. The mind is unable to capture it in all its aspects, to describe the dazzling effect, it's myriad miracles.